Hope in Isolation

I’m currently sitting at my Grandfathers grave. And God challenges me with this question. 

 

“What is nothing?”

 

I don’t know what to say to that. I think about the perspective of life and what “life” actually is. I mean, “what is life? What does it mean, when we say that we are alive?” 

 

I’m not being aberrant. I’m allowing the Lord to challenge my thinking with truth. Think about it. What would the answer be if you asked yourself, “What does it mean that I am ‘present’ in my own being?” And what would happen if you challenged yourself to think about what being alive, seeing, talking, and feeling actually is? I am alive. I have being. I can see. I can feel. I have emotion. I can walk and talk and express and move. I can feel sadness, anger, insecurity, shame, fear, joy, peace, confidence, boldness, and unrelenting exuberance. But what does it actually mean to experience those things as YOUR reality?

 

That’s being alive. It’s being human. But if you weren’t alive, what would be there? 

 

As a kid growing up, I often asked myself this question. What would be there, if I wasn’t here? What was it like before April 2nd, 1999? What actually is my present reality? And if this was not what I’m experiencing, what would be there?

 

For two years I’ve battled doubt. Doubt of God’s existence, presence, and goodness. And not only have I asked a lot of questions, almost every answer has been a lie from the enemy that spurred on unbelief. Until now. I have gotten to the point of realizing where the questions have come from. I’ve been angry with the Lord for why He’s allowed me to struggle with doubt and questioning the way that I have. But I now realize that His goodness and presence are in the questions. The Lord has blessed and gifted me with a mind that longs to go deeper and think about hard things. The questions are a gift and they help me to see THE answer. 

 

If you were, again, to ask yourself, what does “nothing” look like? What would your answer be? I bet 9/10 of us, including myself, would picture emptiness, darkness, no light, no objects, no anything.  Simply emptiness. Like when you close your eyes. But when you do that, there is still something there. Isn’t there? Cause even when we think of darkness, we think of the color black. So even when we try to imagine what “nothing” is, there is still something there. And that is a gift from God. 

 

You can think of the darkest, heaviest, most isolated, empty thing you can think of. But if you do, does it really have nothing? Because in the midst of our thoughts and imaginations the ONE thing that remains is the truth that you are not actually alone. If we really believe that the Lord is our creator, then evidence of HIS being and presence is all around us. There is more. And the only place where there is truly “nothing,” is apart from Him who made us and everything around us. 

 

So even as I sit here, thinking on how short life actually is in the span of eternity, I’m encouraged and uplifted by the answer to all of these questions. 

 

Jesus. Jesus is Enough. And I am not alone.